It feels so good to snuggle up and breastfeed my child. We fought so hard for breastfeeding in the beginning. How could I wean her?!

Perhaps it is time to wean. At the very least, wean him off night sucking. I would like to finally get a good night’s sleep.

Yet it often annoys and confuses me. Like I’m just a big tit to him. I’m afraid he won’t be able to sleep any other way if I wean him.

I feel guilty if I take the breast away from him. I feel I would be a good mother if I waited until he weaned himself.

If I leave it to  him, he will never stop breastfeeding. I’m sure it’s not good for him either that I’m breastfeeding him nervously. I want to have a second baby soon. How do I go about weaning her off the breast so that it is not traumatic for her? How can I wean her gently? What should I do if she cries?

Many of us are familiar with the above phrases. The internal struggles and dilemmas of mothers breastfeeding their one and a half, 2 or 3 year olds. Many ambivalences and uncertainties. What do you want as a mother and what would be good for your child? Is there a weaning method that can give both you and your child safety in the process?

How long is it good to breastfeed? When does the child wean itself?

In the days before formula, the length of breastfeeding was measured in years. Surviving records from ancient cultures show that children were usually breastfed until the age of 2-3 years, but often up to 4-5 years.

We know that the introduction of formula in the 20th century significantly reduced the duration and rate of exclusive breastfeeding and the length of breastfeeding. We also know that cultural and social customs and values have a significant influence on breastfeeding practices, as do individual circumstances.

Breastfeeding is evolutionary 

If biological factors are taken into account, apart from all other influencing factors, and the primates closest to humans are considered, then the age of weaning for humans can be estimated to be between 2.3 and 7 years, based on various physiological factors (length of pregnancy, adult body weight, adult immune maturity, etc.). This is the age at which weaning is physiologically, biologically natural. This is a very wide range, but it certainly means years of breastfeeding.

Breastfeeding is a learned behaviour

Breastfeeding is partly an evolutionary inheritance in humans, but also a learned behaviour, like in primates. It is strongly influenced by what the mother-to-be sees around her as a role model. If a mother has grown up with women around her who have been role models for her in caring for and breastfeeding her child, it is much easier for her to find her own way in breastfeeding.

The inner imprint of motherhood

In addition, the emotional and physical imprint of the early relationship with her own mother is also a part of her own motherhood, her trust in herself and her child, her relationship with her child and her experience of breastfeeding.

The experience of proximity and detachment

So there are many factors that influence what age is the norm for breastfeeding duration. Patterns, a lack of a consistent set of values and support can cause particular difficulties in the early stages of breastfeeding, during the most intense first weeks and months of motherhood. Often the barriers are so great that they lead to early weaning. The main themes of the first period are the giving of closeness, the readiness for maternal submission and attunement. How much you can give of yourself, how much you are pushed beyond the limits of your emotional and physical tolerance by the many intense demands of closeness and the child.

If breastfeeding continues, then usually beyond the age of one and a half to two years, at the time of long-term breastfeeding and weaning, the patterns of breastfeeding you have as a mother and whether you are getting confirmation or perhaps judgement again become paramount. At the time of breastfeeding cessation, themes of detachment, letting go and boundary setting become central.

In my work as a breastfeeding counsellor, in consultations on weaning, I often hear the question: do other mothers also have difficulties in stopping breastfeeding, in weaning? There seems to be much less talk about this than about early difficulties. But you’re not alone, for most mothers it’s a challenging step too, and it helps if you get some important information.

What is weaning?

One of the meanings of ‘weaning’ is adaptation, in a narrower sense, to change from one form of feeding to another. In any case, the transition from breastfeeding to solid foods is a gradual process of adaptation. On the one hand, it is a biological adaptation for the digestive system on the child’s side. On the other hand, the mother’s body adapts to the gradual reduction in breastfeeding over the months.

On the other hand, it requires new motor skills in terms of chewing, swallowing and hand- mouth coordination. Thirdly, emotionally, it is an adaptation process, as the transition to solid foods is a kind of detachment from the mother for the child and a letting go of the child for the mother.

The child slowly moves from feeding on his mother’s body to eating solid food. It is a gradual process. This is the most important thing in weaning.

Does introducing solids mean the end of breastfeeding?

Absolutely not, at least the number of breastfeedings should not decrease with the introduction of solid foods. The point of complementary feeding is precisely that solids cover the extra need of the child over and above breast milk, not replace it. Breastfeeding should not be a means of weaning from the breast. Moreover, in the early days, it is only a taster, a discovery of a world of tastes, textures and colours, not a question of quantity.  

However, by being fed, the child does take a step towards detaching from you, as he or she will be able to absorb and digest the world directly. Now not only through the mediation of your body. However, for a long time to come, even for years, both sources of nourishment can co-exist in varying proportions. The nurturing and bonding aspects of suckling and breastfeeding remain very important even after the introduction of complementary feeding.

It is also important that solid foods are offered at gradually increasing rates and at the right time, from 6 months onwards, because too much and too early feeding can lead to premature weaning.

What are the benefits of breastfeeding over one year?

In the second half of the year, breast milk is still optimally the child‘s main source of nutrition. After the age of one year, the ratio turns in favour of solid food. So it is a very slow process!

In the second year, most breastfed children consume an average of 500ml of breast milk a day, which can provide a significant proportion of their daily energy, nutrients and vitamins:

• 35-40% of a child’s energy needs
• 45-70% of the vitamin A requirement
• 40% of the calcium requirement
• provides 37% of the riboflavin requirement
• protein requirement 38%
• vitamin C requirement 95%

In addition, breast milk beyond one year of age contains all the live cell elements, hormones and gut flora nutrients that it does in the first year. It continues to reduce the risk of acute illnesses and shortens their course, reducing their severity.

In addition, the mother also benefits from long-term breastfeeding. Breastfeeding provides dose proportional protection against certain cancers, heart attacks and type 2 diabetes, so the longer a mother breastfeeds, the lower her risk of developing the disease.

In addition to the health benefits, breastfeeding can be a source of joy, intimacy and connection for both mother and child. For you, it can be a respite from the ever-active toddler. And you can use breastfeeding as an effective tool for moments of lulling and reassurance.

In a survey of breastfeeding children, they gave the following answers to the question about what it is like to breastfeed:

• tastes better than ice cream
• as delicious as chocolate
• I love my mum

When should breastfeeding end?

The above benefits are facts. However, breastfeeding means different things to different mother-child pairs. The long months of round-the-clock mothering can wear every mother out. Emotionally and physically. Sensing your own limits, meeting maternal needs is as important as meeting the needs of the child. Indeed, the former is a prerequisite for the latter.

Many other factors in the family can affect the length of breastfeeding. The child’s temperament and position among siblings can also have a strong influence on the child’s attitude to sucking. How long breastfeeding continues to be a pleasure and a source of strength, and when it is time for you to wean partially or completely, is variable and individual.

In addition to the importance of long-term breastfeeding, allow yourself as a mother to let your individual circumstances, your inner experience and intuition play a role in your decision.   

Who decides whether to stop breastfeeding? Child led weaning weaning or weaning by the mother?

In some cases, the child takes the initiative, while in others, the mother takes the lead in the process of weaning.

However, at the toddler age or beyond, both mother and child are often actively involved in the process. In reality, it is rarely the child’s decision. Rather, it is the interaction between between the two of you from which the process of weaning unfolds, with the child taking some of the lead and you taking others.

So if you’re wondering whether to wean your child and whether they’re ready, it helps to know that you’re probably already in the process. In all likelihood, both you and your child have experienced the small steps of weaning. The complete end of breastfeeding is only the last, final step. Let’s look at the journey to get there.

What are the signs of the child weaning by itself from the breast?

When the child is more active in taking the initiative in the weaning process, then the mother accompanies and follows the child’s pace in reducing the occasions of breastfeeding. She also allows the child to stop breastfeeding when he is ready to do so.

If you enjoy breastfeeding, are happy to give yourself to your child, are confident about long-term breastfeeding and are able to listen to your own needs while setting limits for your toddler without guilt, then this is a good basis for you to leave the timing and steps of stopping breastfeeding to your toddler. And for the child, your joy and confidence in breastfeeding is empowering. It can also feel free to continue breastfeeding and to stop breastfeeding.

In this case, there are many small, almost imperceptible steps that the child takes towards weaning. These steps always lead gradually, over weeks or even months, to a reduction in the number of sucklings. Weaning is never sudden, never overnight.

When will the child wean itself?

In addition to the gradualness of the signs of weaning, another important factor is the age of the child. Studies have shown that in cultures that do not use pacifiers or restrict infants’ sucking needs, children do not wean themselves within one to one and a half years.

So if the child is under one year old and/or stops suckling completely overnight, it is definitely not weaning. In these cases, a breastfeeding strike may be more likely to be the cause of the refusal of the breast. The signs are different from those of weaning.

True natural weaning occurs over the age of one and always gradually. The subtle signs of weaning are:

1. The frequency of sucking is reduced:

• the child gets caught up in exploring the world and misses a breastfeeding or two.
• he is full on solid food and therefore does not remember to ask for a the breast.

• in the second half of the year, with fewer daytime naps, there will be fewer opportunities to suckle to sleep, at least during the day.
• the toolbox for reassurance is also expanding. Sometimes, in a difficult situation, the child is content with a hug and verbal comfort. Sucking is not the only or main way of reassurance.

2. The time for breastfeeding is shortened:

• siblings’ play or other interesting activities can regularly distract the child from the sucking process. In such cases, he is just starting to suckle and is already climbing out of his mother’s lap.
• turns away from the breast and falls asleep soon.

The development of movement and emotion regulation, and the development of independence, bring about the above changes, which also lead to a reduction in the number of breastfeedings. This trend is not necessarily even. There are periods when a toddler asks to suckle more often again, for example because of illness, family changes, learning new motor skills or teething. The number of night wakings and sucklings may also increase. This is all part of the weaning process.

In cultures where women breastfeed according to a common set of values and where mothers and children live in community, it is likely to be easier for both mother and child to go through the whole weaning journey.  In our culture, the lack of support, external pressure and judgement, and loneliness can make you feel more ambivalent about breastfeeding in the long term. This is why it is important to ask for support.

Is it bad for the child if the mother controls the weaning?

To a greater or lesser extent, through conscious or unconscious reactions, all mothers are involved in the process of weaning their babies from breastfeeding. It could not be otherwise, as breastfeeding is a shared issue. Just as the mother cannot be left out of the process of weaning, since it is the mother who decides when to breastfeed her baby, and the mother’s physical and emotional limits play a role in the process, so too in the weaning process.

Be sure to respond to the child’s sucking behaviour. And he definitely feels it. You also feel when you see your child skipping a suckle because he is busy exploring the world. It can make you feel proud, excited or even sad, and your child will feel that. And when your child insists strongly on breastfeeding, you will also feel happiness, warmth, contentment or even frustration, which your child will also sense.

There are mothers who fear closeness and others who fear separation. Some feel the steps of separation as a liberation, while others experience more sadness. The child senses the impact of her behaviour on her mother and this has an impact on her attitude to sucking. It encourages her to detach or, on the contrary, discourages her from doing so.

I want to wean my toddler! Or not?!

Do you also have ambivalent feelings about weaning your toddler? Do you feel guilty or selfish when you think about weaning her off sucking? Meanwhile, does all the breastfeeding make you irritable? You are not alone in these feelings. Your feelings are important too. They all have their place. There is the desire to wean, the occasional irritation with the toddler because of the breastfeeding, and the loss and sadness that accompanies it.

It is worth relieving yourself of guilt if you are struggling with ambivalent feelings as a mother. This will give you the freedom to accept and feel your feelings. From there you can move on to making a decision. Whether you want to wean your child. Whether you want it partially or fully.

As if the ideal mother’s image also includes being able to ‘wait’ until the child stops breastfeeding on its own. And if you can’t do that, you might not be a good enough mother. This is a heavy burden on a mother and distances her from her own inner reality. But the child needs the real mother.

If you feel guilty, you may continue to breastfeed through clenched teeth, despite all your negative feelings about breastfeeding. Inside, you wait for the toddler to stop breastfeeding on its own. In other words, it should resolve the situation and free you from the difficult feelings of guilt and pain.

What does this produce? First, that the child receives two conflicting messages from breastfeeding. On the one hand you are physically giving yourself, breastfeeding, but on the other hand you are tense and irritable. The former sends a message of closeness to the child, the latter creates distance between you and the child.

This contradiction makes the child feel insecure, which may even make him or her more insistent on sucking. This is an attempt to gain the security that the dual maternal message ruins for her. It is also an ‘attempt’ to push the mother beyond the limits of her tolerance, so that you will set limits and make a decision of weaning and not put the responsibility (unintentionally of course) on the child.

Weaning is not just a loss – What do you give your child in weaning?

By taking responsibility you give him security

If breastfeeding is more of a burden as a mother, it is important to take on the responsibility of weaning. By doing so, you are relieving your child of the burden of having to make a decision that he or she does not really want to make yet.

Acknowledging reality and aligning our actions with our inner reality is also the most important in the relationship with the child. This gives the child security. If it means slowly stopping sucking, it will give him security. Even if there is loss for the child.

But if you decide that you have a stronger fear of weaning, a sense of loss, and you don’t want to wean your toddler, then your way is to continue breastfeeding for a while longer. You can go on breastfeeding with the certainty that, with all your desires to wean, you have made the choice now to go on breastfeeding. Knowing that it is your choice. might be liberating. You can look at the brestfeeding occasions that are too much for you and wean the child from these occasions. By doing so, you create the possibility that the rest of your breastfeeding times will give you more of a sense of pleasure and intimacy.

You will take your child to the next stage of its development

I don’t want to deprive him of sucking! It’s true that when you stop sucking, an era comes to a definitive end. It ends something that has been part of your relationship from day one. Your child will never suckle again. Each developmental step begins with leaving the previous stage. Loss and grief may be involved. For the child and for the mother.

It’s also worth looking at weaning from breastfeeding as the beginning of a new era, with the continuity of the connection between you. Other forms of intimacy, security, warmth and reassurance will take over from breastfeeding. You are helping your child to achieve this by weaning. So you are not depriving him of something, you are helping him to step into a new developmental phase.

Part of this is teaching them new skills. He learns from you in what other ways he can calm down, what else helps him fall asleep. You teach him these by helping him with cuddles, strokes, singing and being present instead of breastfeeding. You are developing a new set of emotion regulation tools together.

You give the experience of allowing and sharing feelings

I’m afraid it will be damaged if I wean it! With separation, the blow job ends, but the relationship remains. For an older child, there is a clear distinction between the relationship with his mother and sucking. It is the relationship that holds, not the breastfeeding alone. And the connection is not lost by weaning. In fact, it’s what helps your child through feelings of anger, protest, disappointment and sadness. And what gives you, as a mother, the security to accompany your child.

A child is hurt or traumatised when he or she is left alone with an experience that is too much for him or her and too sudden. A mother’s presence, containing the child’s feelings, i.e. allowing the child to experience and express anger and sadness, is a sustaining factor for the child. It provides a connection with the mother. In separation, you also give your child the experience that negative feelings can be experienced and shared.

Grief and gratitude in separation

You may also have to let go of breastfeeding as much as the child has to let go of sucking. It may help to look back over the past months or years of breastfeeding. What you have experienced and what you have learned from it. How much did you give your child in the hundreds and thousands of breastfeeds, in the immeasurable amount of breast milk?! How much care, attention, love, security?! Know that all of this will be with her for the rest of her life, embedded in her body and soul.

Every drop of breast milk is precious. It’s important that as a mother you can look back on the weeks, months or years of breastfeeding behind you with appreciation and gratitude towards yourself.

And what ends, can be whispered. You too, as a mother. Even if you breastfed your last child, and even if you’re expecting again soon.

Main aspects of gentle weaning

Gradualness in weaning

It is worth leaving one suck first and once the child has accepted it, then continue by leaving another suck. Sudden weaning can be traumatic for the child and the mother. This is because there is no time for the adjustment mentioned earlier. Only in emergencies may sudden weaning be a forced decision, but even then it is worth asking around to see if it is the only solution.

In the case of sudden weaning, it is important for the mother to pay attention to milking to relief to avoid overfeeding. The child may also require increased closeness and may have an increased need for solids. How this is met depends on the age of the child.

Which breastfeeding occasion should you start weaning with?

Think about which teat or teats you want to give up first. It is worth starting weaning with either the teat that is easiest for the child to leave or the one that you feel is the most stressful.

If you’re fed up of waking up in the night and think that nights without breastfeeding would make a big difference to your daytime calm, you might want to start by giving up night-time breastfeeding. If, however, you are very worried that you will not be able to soothe your child’s cries at night but feel more confident in saying no during the day, it may still be safer for you to start by limiting daytime breastfeeding. And if that’s already working, it will also help with the night weaning process.

Be consistent and stay flexible!

It helps if the child understands and is relatively predictable about what is happening. If it’s very inconsistent between breastfeeding sometimes and not breastfeeding other times, it’s incomprehensible to him. He cannot adjust to expectations. It’s worth thinking about which breastfeedings he can count on anyway. It is reassuring for your child to know that, for example, there is always a breastfeed before bedtime, but not at night in the dark. You won’t get a breastfeed on the street or in a vehicle, but you will at home.

But consistency, together with flexibility, is what really serves mother and child. If something doesn’t work, you get discouraged or the child gets sick, or the crying gets to a scary level for you, it’s important to step back and breastfeed anyway. At this time, it may be good to give yourself some time before you go back into the weaning process.

Recognise the underlying need!

Toddlers ask to suckle for a wide range of needs. This is also true in infancy. However, the older a child is, the more important it is to respond to his needs in a differentiated way, so that he himself becomes able to recognise and express his own needs.

Boredom, attention-seeking, hunger, thirst, tiredness or the need to calm and bond are the reasons why toddlers ask to suckle. If you recognise when a child asks to suckle which need is behind it and reflect this back to him, you will help your child’s emotion regulation: „Do you want me to just listen to you and play with you?” „I see you’re very tired, let’s go for a stroller ride.”

And if you respond to that need in a different way, it helps them to learn that there are other ways to calm down, other ways to experience connection with you. He can get attention in other ways. This supports the process of detachment.

Pacifier or drink during the weaning process?

The older the child, the more of the sucking function is devoted to sucking for attachment and the less emphasis is placed on feeding. This also means that the older the child, the less emphasis there is on the need to replace sucking and breast milk as a source of nourishment with something else. Weaning from the breast is actually more about other forms of attachment, such as cuddling, rocking, singing, story-telling and snuggling. The older child will not accept a pacifier, and often won’t even ask for food instead of sucking. However, water may be offered at night weaning.

Rituals

It is worth building up other habits before you stop breastfeeding that will remain a clinging point for your child after you stop. At bedtime, this could include stories, massages, singing. These can be given increasing space alongside breastfeeding. They can take over the role of reassurance, togetherness and transition to sleep when breastfeeding is abandoned. Repeated daily, these rituals give children a sense of security.

The role of fairy tales in gentle weaning

It’s a good idea to tell the child what to expect, according to his or her age. This can be done in a story, on a symbolic level. It is not expected that this will make it easier for the child to accept the situation and not protest. The story does not have to be a lesson. The aim is to give the child a handle deeper than the level of rationality, which will help them to prepare for and process the abandonment of the blow job.

• Preparing for the restriction: 4-7 days before the breastfeeding restriction starts, you can start telling a story about what is to come. You can tell him about the little monkey, the baby lamb, the foal or any story about the little monkey who „loved to suckle, went to sleep every night sucking, but one day his mummy said it was time to go to sleep cuddling up to sing. From then on, the baby girl would only graze grass in the evenings and fall asleep snuggled up to her mummy at night. „

• Processing during weaning: story and role play can also help to process the weaning process. In the story, the child can experience his or her own feelings through the characters, while not being in a situation of sharp conflict, but in a safe story-listening situation. The best way to process difficult feelings is to be able to tell him or her a story from memory in which, for example, a pet experiences the same things as your child:

„The baby girl was very sad when she heard that she could only breastfeed in the morning. She started crying and throwing her legs on the hay in frustration. She cried so loud that even the mice woke up. She was angry with her mummy and didn’t want her mummy to tell her stories. When her mummy offered her water, she turned away angrily…. and finally she tucked her little head into her mummy’s lap and felt the warmth of her mummy’s fur caressing her. It calmed him down and he fell asleep….”

The point of processing is to be able to tell the story of the difficult feelings, to be able to live through them. If the child interjects in the story or acts it out with puppets, let him or her shape the story in whatever way he or she wants. If he says that the baby girl was finally breastfed by her mother, that’s fine too. Then he can experience in the story that what he wants to happen happens and that helps him to cope with frustration in reality.

A story in your head is better because you can adapt it to your own situation. If you tell the story with elements in which your child knows himself, it helps him to identify with you, to bring up his own feelings and let them come through.

Short form for breastfeeding

You can shorten the length of breastfeeding. For example, if the child has been suckling for 15 minutes, you could signal after 10 minutes, then 5 minutes, that the suckling time is over and that it is time for story time or cuddling.

Reducing conflicts during gentle weaning

1. Distraction

This works best during the day. If possible, it is best to avoid avoidable conflict and instead distract the 1.5-2-3 year old with play, eating, going outdoors.

If you offer your toddler food earlier, or engage him in an interesting activity or give him quality attention, or take him to sleep in a pram, it is unlikely that he will go as far as asking to suckle out of tiredness, hunger, boredom and need for attention.

Distraction doesn’t always work, but if you avoid some conflicts, you’ve already done well. When it comes to weaning from night-time breastfeeding, it can be used almost never or only to a very limited extent.

2. Avoiding breastfeeding situations

You can try to avoid situations that might make your child want to breastfeed. The breastfeeding room, the chair, lying next to each other, bathing together and any other situation that makes it easier for the child to remember to suckle. Within reason, of course.

3. Spending time in the open air and in company

In general, children tend to require less sucking when they are in the open air or in larger groups. For a while, it may be possible to time walks and social activities to coincide with the time of daytime breastfeeding that you want to leave.

4. When it IS time to breastfeed and what IS instead

It helps to reassure the child if you emphasise not only the no and not, but also the yes. Don’t just tell him that there is no breastfeeding now, but always point out when there will be a breastfeeding and point out what is available instead of a breastfeeding that will help him calm down/quench his hunger:

„You know, when we go to bed after lunch, you can breastfeed. Now I’d love to tell you a story or how about we munch on apples like bunnies.”

Weaning at night and weaning from breastfeeding used for falling asleep

For most mothers, frequent night feeds are the first to become stressful. The main question is always whether the child can sleep and settle down in a different way. And the biggest fear is inconsolable crying. Older children have enough resources in the mother’s presence that if they are helped, they will find other ways to calm down and fall asleep.

If you can be really present and safe for the child when the child cries, the child will feel this and it will help him to calm down. In this situation, the means of hugging, singing, stroking will sooner or later bring comfort to the child and he will be able to go back to sleep.

The father’s help is readily accepted by some children, making it easier to stop night-time breastfeeding, but for others it tends to increase resistance.

Which will help you to stop breastfeeding at night (too):

• preparation with story telling and direct discussion so that the child knows what is coming
• understandable frameworks: e.g. no breastfeeding in the dark, breastfeeding when you wake up
• mother/father’s calm and sense of security
• Allowing the child to protest, cry, be angry and be present with him in a calm, compassionate way
• offering alternative ways of soothing: stroking, story, song, cuddling, water
• keeping boundaries consistent, but stopping the process if the parent does not feel safe with the child – crying too hard if the child is deemed to be crying too hard

Methods to avoid – drastic weaning

• Separation from the mother. It is often suggested that at the time of separation, the child should spend several days with the grandparents, sleep there or be taken away by the mother. This can be frightening and stressful for the child. It is not only the breastfeeding that they have to do without, but also the closeness of their mother. It is too sudden, too much for the child. Because of the traumatisation, he may not cry, protest or ask for a breastfeed when he meets his mother again. Instead, he freezes, bottling up the experience. Not expressing her feelings is a consequence of the trauma, i.e. the loss of her sense of security. It’s a sign of trauma in the relationship. A sign of being alone with the feelings.
• Putting a nasty, disgusting thing on the breast or saying „sick titty”, „bad milk” is also scary for the child. What used to be one of the main sources of good, has now suddenly become threatening and disgusting. Fear makes him not want to suckle. He may feel guilty and confused that he has caused some trouble for the breast. It also prevents him from feeling and expressing his protests and sadness. So she is left alone with his feelings. And the trauma and emotional damage is precisely this, that there is no one to share the difficult feelings with and therefore no one to calm him down.

A sudden and drastic separation is often attractive because the child will protest for a shorter period of time, and there may be less crying and conflict. It is said to be over quickly. This understandably seems easier, but unfortunately it is easier only on the surface. Any change that we cannot prepare for, that hits us suddenly and unexpectedly, takes away the opportunity to experience, share and process the feelings that accompany the change. Sudden and powerful changes often leave us with a deep sense of sadness, grief, anger and disappointment. There is no time to learn the new skills needed to cope with change, such as other ways of calming down or other ways of falling asleep that feel safe.

This is also the case with drastic methods of weaning from the kitten. In the long run, this has a detrimental effect on the mother-child relationship and on the child’s emotional regulation.

Should anything be done about milk?

It takes an average of 45 days after complete weaning for milk secretion to stop. With gradual weaning, the milk volume decreases and the breast gradually adapts. Most of the time there is nothing you need to do.

Lump in the breast after stopping breastfeeding?

The more gradual the separation, the less chance of a lump or blockage forming in the breast. If your breasts become uncomfortably full from time to time, you can press milk to relief. In addition, sage can help and can be consumed as tea. You can apply cold compress to the affected area. If you have no objections and your child accepts it, you can exceptionally offer breastfeeding again once or twice.

If you have any breast pain after you stop breastfeeding and it doesn’t go away in a few days, get help!

How long do you have milk after you stop breastfeeding?

It is common for mothers to express a drop of milk months or even years after they have stopped breastfeeding. If there are no complaints, lumps or pain, this is perfectly fine.

The most important:

Expressing reality in children’s language. It’s time to say goodbye to breastfeeding.

Mother’s accepting, compassionate presence with boundaries.

Experiencing and allowing the feelings associated with letting go for both mother and child.

Congratulation on your long breastfeeding journey! I wish you a good experience in weaning from breastfeeding!